Dear Rutgers Womens' Basketball Team

Why in the world are you allowing this media garbage to affect you? Kiddos, just so you'll know what I'm talking about one day (not that the world won't manage to fashion yet another disaster of these mammoth proportions in the mean time), Don Imus is some old guy with a radio show who in general has a surly attitude and negative persona. He referred to the entire women's basketball team at Rutgers as "nappy headed ho's" and now everyone from Al Sharpton (may you never know who he is) to the players themselves have decided he should be lynched for it.

"nappy headed ho's" (I never know whether to put an apostrophe after the "ho" or not). And may I use this time to tell folks it's not "hoe"? Because that's a piece of gardening equipment that helps in the removal of especially troublesome weeds and tough roots. It is not the term used for a group of women one would intend on making some sexually charged blanket statement about.

The disappointment for me isn't that Don Imus is out there saying the word "nappy" or "ho" because I'm so damned used to that type of crap in every other song that comes across the air waves I couldn't care less at this point. I'm immune from taking offense to female degradation in typical media outlets and persons of celebrity because it's been deemed entertainment. Not that I'm the least bit entertained by it. Instead I choose to read. But I digress....anyway, the disappointment isn't that some old white guy picked up on a few words he shouldn't have (nobody should call other people names but not only is that another post it's also an instance here where what's good for the goose is definitely NOT good for the gander), it's that an entire team of worthy, powerful and talented women is playing into this media frenzy.

Their rebuttal or response or whatever spoke of their hurt and disappointment over what this old dude had to say about them. They even went so far as to say that it "overwhelmed our achievement".

Kids plug your ears....

Stop the mother-fuckin-presses and wha-the-fuck??? (kids, you know I cuss like a sailor so the whole plug your ears thing was just me trying to make a funny) Why are they giving this man and his words so much power in their lives? Explain that to me! If any of the members of that women's team can hand over their iPods and I find them all clean of songs that while popular, speak of ho's and often objectify women as toys, then by all means...those players can be as offended as their little heart's desire. But the truth is that this homely and truly uninteresting radio personality simply said what every person of color has said amongst friends. He used the same general verbiage he and the rest of the hearing public has had to endure since the rap movement took off. There's no real difference here. It's supposed to be taboo because of the color of his skin but excuse me...isn't that racist? Basically everyone is picking on him because they're bored and smell the chum in the water. It's really that simple.

When you finally define yourself in life, you don't work your ass off becoming something great and excelling at something you love just to let some smack talk "overwhelm your achievement". Kids don't ever let someone do this to you. The people who talk out of their asses (as my Dad used to say) have done nothing to deserve that kind of power in your life and by giving in to the frenzy surrounding these truly petty problems, you're taking your eyes off your prize. You're not out there to win the approval of the masses, you're out there to be the best and to do your best. And if that coach had been any kind of good coach she would've refused to allow her players to play into the Al Sharpton Media Machine. I'm disappointed in her as well.

Was it hurtful? Yeah probably...if you sit around with low self-esteem worried that not every breathing soul on this planet likes you. If you do that then yeah, what Don Imus said is hurtful. A good coach would've sat those women down, looked each of them in the eye and said "Don who?He's nothing to you and he's nothing to this team...it's time to play ball". Because those women already know how they're viewed by society. They hear it on their iPods, see it in movies and most definitely get in on the court. They're rarely televised and only earn a snippet of time in the nightly news's sports slot. They already know the bad news and they have fought above it all every day since they discovered they not only loved playing ball but they were damn good at it.

People are going to say things out of jealousy, out of ignorance, out of displaced anger...you name it. But what I want you to remember and understand and carry with you forever is this: it's not about you. Not really. The people doing the yakking don't have a clue what it feels like to walk in your shoes every day so the shit they're dishing isn't about you. It's about their lives, their wives, their kids, their mothers, their jobs, their fan belt, their checking account, their mistress, their dentist, their their their their THEIR! Are you getting it? By the time a person is standing in front of you and saying something they have already had years of experiences with other people that have created who they are. And those experience will color their half of the conversation with you (just as your experiences will color your half). And the colors they have chosen have very little to do with you because all you can hope for is a quick escape when it all goes crazy.

By the way...nobody is black or white. That's so last week. *insert flip of the hair here* We're all shades of brown....every last damn one of us. And I'm not being all mystical on your ass or anything, it's the truth. Take an art class for christ's sake! Anyway, we've got creams, ecru, bole, umber, beige (etc.) right on up to bistre....but that is the darkest person I've ever seen. People aren't black or white and neither is life. We all have shades to ourselves if people would just step away from the stereotypes ON BOTH SIDES and take a deep breath or two or seven (god, hyperventilate even....your being passed out gives the rest of us normals a few extra minutes to think) and really see.

Women of Rutgers, it's not about you. Don Imus is a nobody with no real impact on your lives, your achievements or your game. I have a feeling you're being lead by your coach and maybe even your athletic department to take a stand against this perceived racism and what you really want is to just go to practice, run your drills and play the next game. Politics. All around it's politics and I don't think a single damn person gives a real shit about you as players or women regardless of your color. If they did, your games would've been known before Don opened his giant yapper and you wouldn't be talking about how some negative ninny stole your thunder.

The more you worry about what others think and the angrier you get over it, the more power you give them over the direction of your thoughts.

And ultimately, you are what you think.