1. Don't take your medicine on an empty tummy. Trust me when I say it's just not nearly as fun as it may sound to sit behind your desk (either at work or at school as I'm sure the location of the desk doesn't detract from the lesson in any way) actively resisting the urge to vomit. In fact, resisting the urge so much that you get hiccups and not the friendly kind but the ones that taunt you with the possibility of that which you don't want to do...namely heaving.
*bleck*
2. Don't make eye contact with anyone unless you want to talk to them. This comes from great experience and to my credit actually works. Well, it either works or I've been rudely ducking people for months now. I guess under either scenario I wouldn't have the burden of talking to them though so I suppose this lesson is one you can take either way. Or whatever.
3. Only attempt to nap in clean bathroom stalls. And trust me when I say that it doesn't matter how fatigued you might be...the truth of this is undeniable. (go ahead...being my children I know you must try it in order to believe in it so I'll wait.)
...
...
ew! Now you see? It doesn't matter how tired you are, you will emerge from said stall with far more problems than you went in there with if you fail to check the quality of the layout before planting yourself for a snooze. I'm still somewhat haunted by what I saw during this morning's attempted naptime. Good Lord did it used to be a slaughterhouse and nobody told me? Or maybe NASA scientists are busy growing things they found in space and ran out of room at the main lab. Whatever the case, I just have to say that I found it quite eerie when the spongey stalagmites maneuvered in such a way as to spell out my name. *shudder* As much as I know it's not good to hold it for too long, I also know it's not good to cop a squat over The River Stixx. So I'll take bladder distention for $200 Alex!
4. Have fun. Yes, I know that directly contradicts what I said this morning about eating breakfast, getting dressed, taking medicine and brushing your teeth: none of which is even remotely fun if done properly. But life outside our home is just SOOOOOO serious. Full of serious people busy being serious with their seriousness. No humor whatsoever. So even though it's imperative that both the medicine AND the food end up inside of your body and that you take full responsibility for any and all messes ensueing from the execution thereof...enjoy the rest of the time. Play till you can't play anymore and forget about what anyone thinks about you. Let whatever other kids say roll off your back because they probably live with someone who's way more serious than your parents are so the growth of their humor bone has been severely stunted. Basically, they're just as disabled as anyone who qualifies for the Special Olympics and if my experience with the same is at all accurate...they're far more disabled. I've noticed that those people who usually get stuck with that label don't actually warrant it nearly as much as the so called "normals". But that's another post.
Have fun. Today only happens once.
Love,
Mom
*bleck*
2. Don't make eye contact with anyone unless you want to talk to them. This comes from great experience and to my credit actually works. Well, it either works or I've been rudely ducking people for months now. I guess under either scenario I wouldn't have the burden of talking to them though so I suppose this lesson is one you can take either way. Or whatever.
3. Only attempt to nap in clean bathroom stalls. And trust me when I say that it doesn't matter how fatigued you might be...the truth of this is undeniable. (go ahead...being my children I know you must try it in order to believe in it so I'll wait.)
...
...
ew! Now you see? It doesn't matter how tired you are, you will emerge from said stall with far more problems than you went in there with if you fail to check the quality of the layout before planting yourself for a snooze. I'm still somewhat haunted by what I saw during this morning's attempted naptime. Good Lord did it used to be a slaughterhouse and nobody told me? Or maybe NASA scientists are busy growing things they found in space and ran out of room at the main lab. Whatever the case, I just have to say that I found it quite eerie when the spongey stalagmites maneuvered in such a way as to spell out my name. *shudder* As much as I know it's not good to hold it for too long, I also know it's not good to cop a squat over The River Stixx. So I'll take bladder distention for $200 Alex!
4. Have fun. Yes, I know that directly contradicts what I said this morning about eating breakfast, getting dressed, taking medicine and brushing your teeth: none of which is even remotely fun if done properly. But life outside our home is just SOOOOOO serious. Full of serious people busy being serious with their seriousness. No humor whatsoever. So even though it's imperative that both the medicine AND the food end up inside of your body and that you take full responsibility for any and all messes ensueing from the execution thereof...enjoy the rest of the time. Play till you can't play anymore and forget about what anyone thinks about you. Let whatever other kids say roll off your back because they probably live with someone who's way more serious than your parents are so the growth of their humor bone has been severely stunted. Basically, they're just as disabled as anyone who qualifies for the Special Olympics and if my experience with the same is at all accurate...they're far more disabled. I've noticed that those people who usually get stuck with that label don't actually warrant it nearly as much as the so called "normals". But that's another post.
Have fun. Today only happens once.
Love,
Mom
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